


can i get a little closer to you today?

by yawwwrp



Category: K-pop, Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Fluff, M/M, Pining, Social Anxiety, Winter, but there's no angst!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:07:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28054371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yawwwrp/pseuds/yawwwrp
Summary: Minho is a writer who never leaves his house. Changbin is an upbeat mailman who wants to change that.
Relationships: Lee Minho | Lee Know/Seo Changbin
Comments: 20
Kudos: 120





	can i get a little closer to you today?

**Author's Note:**

> ayo my friends i'm back what's poppin
> 
> this was partly inspired by the lyrics of Phobia, partly by my own past issues with social anxiety and partly by my friendly mailman who never judges me for receiving a ridiculous amount of packages in the mail (curse you online shopping)  
> i wrote this in present tense for some reason??? pls ignore if you see any past tense :(
> 
> title comes from Phobia - SKZ, i was listening to She & Him's Christmas album while writing this, I highly recommend listening to it while you read it for The Atmosphere

Wednesday, 11:03am. Minho sighs to the empty room and stops typing, taking off his glasses and rubbing his tired eyes. The words just didn’t want to come out today and so Minho gives up and wanders into his kitchen to make himself another coffee.

It has been two weeks since he last left his house. Two weeks alone, no word spoken to anyone, no face seen since he broke down in the grocery store. Thinking back on it, Minho’s heart speeds up and he takes a deep breath to calm himself down.

Up until that day, Minho had been dealing with his social anxiety as best as he could. As a writer, he was lucky to be able to work at home by himself most of the time and apart from book tours and signings he usually didn’t go any places with lots of people. For the most part, he had everything under control and didn’t really get panic attacks anymore, which he struggled with a lot when he was still a teenager. 

His group of best friends from back then had helped him through many of them and he was grateful they still stuck around years later, even though everyone was in different states now. They would text on a daily basis and they were the first ones he contacted after the incident at the grocery store.

Minho generally just ordered his groceries online and had them delivered to him once a week, however he had to have made an error this time, running out of milk on Tuesday evening and had steeled himself for a trip to the store the next day. It all went surprisingly well, until he was caught between two women yelling at each other in the dairy aisle and he got a bit light headed. He remembers rushing to the cashier, where a middle aged lady was demanding to speak to the manager, intimidating the teenager cashier and he felt a panic attack coming on. Before he knew it, there were people around him as he sank down to the ground, voices echoing around him, hands grabbing him.

The beeping of the coffee machine rips Minho from his thoughts. He is determined to spend his fall and winter in doors, avoiding the seasonal madness outside and limiting social interaction strictly to his phone. As he sits back down in his study to pick up writing where he left off, his phone chimes, the group chat coming alive.

**_Jisung_ ** :  _ take a morning walk today? _

**_Felix_ ** :  _ yeeeessss, it was freezing :( _

**_Jisung_ ** :  _ i didnt mean u _

**_Chan_ ** :  _ how are you holding up, minho? _

Minho thinks for a moment what to reply. He should just say he did, so they would give up pestering him about it - rationally, he knows that they mean well. They want him to go back to living at least a vaguely normal life. But emotionally? He isn’t ready and as much as he loves his friends, he doesn’t think they would understand.

**_Minho_ ** :  _ Have not, will not. I’m fine @chan _

**_Felix_ ** :  _ :(((( _

**_Chan_ ** :  _ you sure you don’t want us to come by? _

**_Minho_ ** :  _ I’m sure. But thanks for caring. Am busy now, so text you later. _

**_Jisung_ ** :  _ hes not using a lotta words for a writer _

Minho turns off his phone, looks at what he wrote earlier, deletes it and goes back to staring at a blank page for three hours.

Minho’s mailman Seungmin was a gift from the gods. Seungmin hated his job and generally just shoved whatever Minho got in the mailbox before running off to the next house as quickly as he could to get off work faster. Which meant that Minho had plenty of time to check the mailbox in peace with no one around.

When Minho wakes up on Friday, something feels off. 

The last two days, he spent some time reading through the group chat’s messages to find out that his friends were genuinely worried he was becoming like those crazy mountain men living by themselves and hacking passerbys up into pieces to feed to their feral dogs. He didn’t reply to any of their messages and his phone had been dead since yesterday.

He checks the clock to see it’s a little past 10am and decides to get his ass out of bed.

As Minho walks over to look outside the window and see the mail truck, his eyebrows furrow. That’s not Seungmin coming towards his mailbox.

A short guy, almost drowning in the oversized mail uniform jacket carries some letters towards the mailbox, exchanging a friendly greeting to one of Minho’s neighbors jogging past him. The guy seems to be whistling some tune by the way his mouth moves, but Minho can’t hear him from the distance and through his walls.

The guy leaves as quickly as he had come and Minho waits for a moment before opening the front door. He’s greeted by a chilly breeze and Minho ties his robe tighter around his body, shoulders hunching to preserve some warmth.

He opens the mailbox and rifles through the letters for a moment before he hears footsteps coming towards him. Minho turns around so quickly, he almost trips, staring at the mailman in front of him with wide eyes.

“Oh, hi!” The guy gives Minho a bright smile and holds up another letter. “Sorry, I forgot this one. There you go.”

Minho can feel his palms getting sweaty as his next door neighbor leaves his house, presumably to check his mailbox as well. He grabs the letter from the mailman’s outstretched hand quickly and turns around without a word, running back into his house at lightning speed.

Once he leans his back against the closed front door, he breathes deeply a few times, then turns around to look through the peephole at the mailman still standing at the mailbox, looking at his house.

And this is how Minho finds out that Seungmin quit his job.

Minho is currently angrily ripping open the letters he received, seeing familiar handwriting on three of them. It takes him about twenty minutes to find his phone, find his charger and charge it enough to turn it back on, before he can type out a message to his friends.

**_Minho:_ ** _ Why are you guys sending me letters via mail? We can literally text. _

**_Jisung:_ ** _ isn’t this much more romantic and personal??? Lix back me up _

**_Felix:_ ** _ we will send you motivational letters every day now since you’re not reading our messages on here and force you to go outside^^ _

Minho leaves his phone again and returns to opening letters. There’s two from different publishers, one from his editor and then the three from his friends. It does warm his heart a bit that they took the time, effort and money to send him letters.

Jisung’s motivational message is apparently a voucher for a combo at Wendy’s he had cut out of a newspaper and a flyer from some church that Minho is pretty sure he stole. It reads ‘There shall be better days ahead’ and Jisung had crossed out ‘if you follow the lord’s light’ to scribble ‘if you go to Wendy’s’ over it. Minho snorts and puts it aside to pick up Felix’s.

Predictably, Felix printed out a motivational meme poster of a crying cat with the bottom text reading ‘cheer up, boy!’ in comic sans. 

Chan’s letter is about three pages long and Minho inwardly thanks him for delaying his return-back-to-work-annoyance. The letter actually cheers Minho up a bit, even though half of it is just Chan losing his train of thought and writing about random stuff.

By the time Minho goes back to work, he feels a little better about himself and forgets all about the Not-Seungmin-mailman.

Over the course of the next two weeks, Minho has figured out the new mailman’s pattern - which is more chaotic than he’d like. The new mailman runs from house to house delivering bags, letters and packages, seemingly constantly forgetting one here and there so he runs back to the house. Minho kept track of him for four days before he had figured out that after about half an hour, the mailman always drove off to the next street.

Which is why Minho now waits patiently until he hears the truck drive by before he exits the house. It’s freezing outside and Minho is pretty sure the first snow is gonna fall overnight and once he gets back into the house, his fingers feel frozen.

Two days later, Minho is a bit sleepdrunk when he opens the door fifteen minutes after the new mailman should have been at his mailbox - the mailman was surprisingly punctual, given his chaotic mail distribution style - and finds his mail neatly stacked on his doormat. Minho blinks a few times in quick succession in order to wake himself up before picking them up and walking back inside.

There’s a hastily scribbled sticky note on top of his mail and Minho reads it while drinking some tea to warm up his bones from the cold air outside. The snow had kept falling steadily the past two days and Minho had thought that it would not stop anytime soon.

_ It’s snowing :D It will be cold on your way to the mailbox so I’m leaving your mail on your doormat, I hope that’s okay. I hope you have a nice day! :) _

There’s a weird feeling in his chest as he reads the words and his house seems to empty all of a sudden, too lonely. He shoves the feeling down into his stomach as he finishes the tea and wrinkles his nose at the note. 

“Weird guy.”, he says into the silence surrounding him.

Though there had been some days without snow and the sun one day had melted a little bit of it, it was still freezing outside and a cold front was projected to hit in the next few days. Minho braces himself every time he has to open the door to pick up the mail, stacked on his doormat just as New Mailman said that he would do.

That was last week. Today, Minho shuffles down the stairs and opens the front door to see the mailman standing at the edge of his driveway, a bright smile on his face and an arm waving through the air at Minho.

He doesn’t say anything and for a moment, Minho is just standing there staring at him. The guy chuckles and Minho sees small clouds of breath forming in the winter air, before the mailman turns towards the mail truck but stops for a moment.

“It was nice to see your face again!” The voice pulls Minho from his thoughts. “You shouldn’t hide it!”

Before Minho can get out a word, the mailman walks off with a swing in his step and this time, Minho can hear him whistling. He hops into the mail truck and Minho still stands in his doorway staring down the street minutes after the truck has disappeared from his sight.

**_Minho:_ ** _ My new mailman is weird. _

**_Jisung:_ ** _ what happened to seungmin????? _

**_Minho:_ ** _ I guess he finally quit. _

**_Felix:_ ** _ what if he dIED DD: _

**_Minho:_ ** _ Why are you guys still sending letters anyway? I’m texting you now. _

**_Felix:_ ** _ idk it’s fun :D _

Minho rolls his eyes at his friends’ antics and leans back on his couch. After writing half a page earlier, he spent about an hour just sitting at his computer, staring off into space before he decided that he wouldn’t get anything done today.

**_Chan:_ ** _ so what’s up with the new mailman? _

**_Minho:_ ** _ He brings me my mail to the doorstep. Today, he just stood in the driveway while I got the mail and waved at me. _

**_Jisung:_ ** _ how is that wEiRd _

**_Felix:_ ** _ is he like an alcoholic grandpa on crack with only one eye and a wooden leg?! _

**_Chan:_ ** _ wtf lix _

**_Minho:_ ** _ No, he’s young. Like, our age. He’s short.  _

He thinks back on Mr. Postman for a moment. 

**_Minho:_ ** _ Smiles a lot. _

**_Jisung:_ ** _ …………… ;) _

**_Felix:_ ** _ ;)) _

Minho lets out a deep sigh. Why did he even tell them? He is just about to lock his phone and take a shower when his phone lights up with another message.

**_Chan:_ ** _ ;-) _

Minho doesn’t get mail for a few days, though he checks his doormat every day. The mailman is nowhere to be seen. Minho almost feels disappointed but then he reminds himself that if he is getting heart eyes for his fucking mailman from one (wordless on his part) interaction he must be losing it and should go outside more. But that’s intimidating so he pushes any thoughts about the mailman out of his mind.

He is currently deep in thought about the plotline of his story and keeps googling if half the things happening in it are even possible when he is interrupted by his doorbell ringing.

The unexpected noise makes him jump and for a second he sits still without moving, waiting. Waiting for what? He doesn’t know. 

He gets up to check through the peephole and sees the mailman running down his driveway, away from his house.

Minho just stands there, waiting for the guy to hop into the mail truck and drive off, but he just keeps standing near the mailbox, shuffling his feet around in the snow.

Eventually, Minho doesn’t want to be responsible for the dude catching pneumonia, so he opens the door just a crack wide.

“Hey! Good to see you, buddy!” The guy pulls a face at himself. “Oh, sorry, I probably look like a stalker… I’m not, I swear!”

Minho suppresses a laugh, opens the door a tiny bit wider to get a good luck at the guy. His nose is red from the cold and the ever-present smile lighting up his face.

“What are you doing?” Minho surprises himself by speaking. Why was he entertaining this lunatic? “Shouldn’t you hand out mail?”

The mailman grins wider. “Yeah, I know. Just wanted to stop by. You’re never gone and I never see you come or go, so I thought I’d just say hi, you know?”

That sounds absolutely idiotic to Minho. Why would you just talk with a stranger? And what does he mean by never seeing him come or go, is he really stalking Minho?

The mailman realizes what he’s said the same moment Minho does. “Oh god, that’s not what I meant! I swear I’m not a stalker, really!”

Minho has to laugh, he can’t hold it back, seeing the guy standing in the cold, shocked look on his face. The shocked expression slowly morphes back into the usual smile.

When Minho finally stops laughing, the guy waves at him as he makes his way back to the mail truck. “See you next time, Mr. Lee! Have a nice day!”

For the rest of the day, Minho writes with a smile and the words flow out of him effortlessly.

It happens again. Three days later, a thick envelope, Minho’s manuscript with notes from his editor, lies neatly on his doormat, the mailman back at the mailbox.

“Hi, Mr. Lee!”

Minho opens the door a bit wider now, slowly waving back at the other.

“I saw that you have a cat on your doormat!” The guy calls, tiny snowflakes landing on his dark hair. “Do you have a cat?”

Minho shakes his head. “I used to.”

The guy nods to signal that he heard it. “You live by yourself in that house?” The question makes Minho freeze, before the guy quickly continues. “Again, not a stalker! Just saw that all the mail is addressed to you, never to anyone else.”

Minho huffs out a laugh, his breath hanging in the air like tiny clouds before it dissipates. “Yeah. Isn’t there some kind of privacy of correspondence? I thought you’re not supposed to look at other people’s mail.”

The guy shrugs and winks at him, walking over to the mail truck again. “If it’s written on the envelope it’s not a secret.”

**_Felix:_ ** _ what happened with mailman are u sliding into his letters ;D _

**_Jisung:_ ** _ boohoo _

**_Chan:_ ** _ weak _

**_Minho:_ ** _ Nothing happened. He just brings me my mail. _

**_Jisung:_ ** _ ………….. and? _

**_Minho:_ ** _ There is no ‘and’. _

**_Jisung:_ ** _ weak _

**_Felix:_ ** _ weak :/ _

**_Chan:_ ** _ hey! _

Minho may or may not be slightly looking forward to the mail every day. Usually the new mailman rings his bell, which he started after that one day and just stands at the mailbox when Minho picks up his mail, chatting with him about random stuff for a minute or two before he leaves.

Minho may or may not also enjoy being able to talk with someone other than himself - from a distance.

This goes on for a little while, until one day, Minho prepares himself for another chat with the mailman but his heart sinks when the guy just waves at him and drives off to deliver more letters to people that aren’t Minho without a word.

When he picks up the mail on his doorstep, he finds another sticky note on top and Minho reads it before he even closes the door behind him.

In the familiar scribbled handwriting, there’s a phone number and a sentence below it.

_ I’m Changbin by the way, even though you never asked :D Would you like to go out with me sometime? _

**_Minho:_ ** _ We have a problem. _

**_Jisung:_ ** _ we or u?? _

**_Felix:_ ** _ eye emoji _

**_Jisung:_ ** _ did u just type out the eye emoji lol _

**_Minho:_ ** _ Mailman has a name.  _

**_Jisung:_ ** _ eye emoji eye emoji _

**_Felix:_ ** _ sungie ur a sheep :( _

**_Felix:_ ** _ what’s his name??? :DDD _

Minho sighs, burying his face in the hand not holding his phone. He generally avoids meeting new people and never even thought about being in a relationship, save for the two weeks he dated in college and was stressed out the whole time. He is fine being by himself, really. But then he thinks of the mailman, Changbin, with the red tip of his nose and the happy smile and his heart does a little wiggle he would love to ignore but can’t. 

As much as he would like to meet him, Minho knows that it would be stressful. And besides, who would want to date a guy who doesn’t go outside?

His phone drags him out of his thoughts and back to the group chat.

**_Jisung:_ ** _ why aren’t you replying minhoeeeeeee _

**_Minho:_ ** _ Sorry. His name’s Changbin. _

**_Felix:_ ** _ sexc _

**_Chan:_ ** _ why do you guys always type like you’re still 16 _

**_Minho:_ ** _ He gave me his number and wants to go out… _

**_Felix:_ ** _ omGGG nice!!! _

**_Felix:_ ** _ also chan don’t hate :( _

**_Chan:_ ** _ are you gonna take him up on the offer? _

Minho wrestles with himself. He knows he can’t go out. But his fingers are also itching to just send Changbin a text. But what would he even say?

I’m sorry, I can’t go out because I’m scared I’ll have a panic attack and embarrass both of us? Not a great conversation starter. And even if he goes out with him, what then? What if they get together and Changbin is just miserable with him?

He’s getting ahead of himself.

**_Jisung:_ ** _ he’s ignoring us again >:( _

**_Felix:_ ** _ boo you whore _

In the end, Minho decides to just abandon his phone altogether and drown himself in work, rewriting the manuscript his editor sent back a while ago and doesn’t think of the note again until he drags himself off to sleep close to midnight.

As he curls up under his blanket he sees a barrage of memes that his friends spammed the group chat with and his fingers hover over Changbin’s number, an unfinished, unsent, message open in his messenger.

He erases it and wonders for a moment if Changbin is already asleep.

Somehow, Minho wakes up with a splitting headache the next day and spends not only that day but the four days after in bed with a migraine from hell. He still drags himself out of bed to the front door every day, just in case, even though he never hears his doorbell ring.

The next week, Minho feels considerably better and is currently gulping down steaming hot coffee when there’s a knock on his front door. That’s new.

He looks through the peephole to see a fresh faced guy in a mail uniform standing outside.

Minho opens the door only a crack wide and stares.

“Hey! I thought maybe you were on vacation, your mailbox is overflowing. You know, sometimes folks just die and they’re not discovered until we check on them because of the mail so…” The guy trails off and hands him some flyers and a letter. “Anyway! Might wanna clear out your box!”

He turns to leave and Minho opens the door wider as he calls after him. “Are you new? I used to have a different mailman?”

The guy turns to him again. “Oh, Changbin? He caught the flu, should be back soon. I’m Jeongin.”

Minho’s face adopts a worried expression without him telling it too. He nods slowly and thanks the guy for the letters. 

Once he made the trip to the mailbox and back, he rifles through his mail and doesn’t even realize that he just made normal conversation with a stranger without a single clammy feeling in his chest, mind still hanging onto Jeongin’s words.

**_Jisung:_ ** _ any news on cHaNgBiN???? ;) _

**_Minho:_ ** _ I have a new mailman for now. _

**_Felix:_ ** _ minho goes thru mailman like other ppl go thru underwear ;D _

**_Minho:_ ** _ Dumbass. He’s sick. _

**_Chan:_ ** _ have you texted him yet?  _

**_Minho:_ ** _ No. _

**_Jisung:_ ** _ what are u waiting forrrrrrrrr _

**_Felix:_ ** _ text ur patient :(( _

Minho rolls his eyes as he locks the screen on his phone. His friends are no help to him at all. Of course he’d thought of texting Changbin in the past few days, especially right after Jeongin mentioned that he’s sick, but that nagging voice in the back of his head wouldn’t leave him alone.

He spends most of his day glancing at his phone, then mentally slapping himself and trying to get work done, but eventually lets out a frustrated sigh and gives in.

**_Minho:_ ** _ Hello, it’s Minho. I heard you got sick - get well soon. _

As soon as Minho hits send, the giddy feeling in his chest makes him feel like a lovesick teenager. He’s about to just chuck his phone away from him to the couch on the other end of the room, as it vibrates in his hand.

**_Changbin:_ ** _ I thought you’d never text! :D _

Throughout the next two days, Minho learns a lot more about his smiley mailman. First of all, that Changbin is very talkative, even through texts. And if Minho smiles about every single notification he gets on his phone, well, no one has to know. 

When Minho tells Changbin that he was feeling under the weather as well the previous week, Changbin replies with ‘twinsies!’ and Minho lets out a laugh, feeling the tips of his ears turn red. He always makes fun of his friends typing like they’re stuck in their teens and now he finds this guy adorable?

Another thing that Minho notices is that Changbin keeps trying to ever so slightly get an answer out of Minho in regards to his sticky note question. It makes Minho kind of uncomfortable, but more than that it just makes him sad. 

**_Changbin:_ ** _ I can’t wait to get some nice coffee when I’m healthy again! Have you ever been to the new bakery downtown? Their coffee is amazing!!! _

Minho lets out a long sigh and opens his friends’ group chat again. He had kept them up to date, mostly, but they just suggested that he should give it a try and go out. Of course, that’s what he should do. But it wasn’t that simple and Minho knew he couldn’t expect them to understand how scary the idea sounded to him.

He had told them yesterday that they should stop sending letters, now that he actually talked to someone other than his friends, but they protested that as long as he was not leaving the house, they would not stop sending them.

Felix declared that it was his duty to make sure Minho got to see Changbin at least every other day in person and changed his nickname to Cupid <33 before Jisung changed it to LoSeR and Minho changed it back to Felix.

Right now though, Jisung and Felix were excited about some new game release happening soon while Chan was frustrated about work.

Minho locks his phone without replying to either of the conversations.

Sometime during the late afternoon, Minho actually gets his groove back and starts writing like a madman. He stays up completely focused for a whole day and a half before his body eventually tells him that enough is enough and he crawls into his bed, catching up on the sleep he desperately needs.

He gets ripped from his dreams by the doorbell and is disoriented by the sunlight streaming into his bedroom for a moment before he makes his way down the stairs and opens the front door, shivering at the impact of cold air on his sleep warm body, squinting his eyes against the sun outside.

And there he is, standing at the mailbox, smiling as brightly as the sun above him in the winter sky. When Changbin gets a good luck at Minho’s sleepy face, his smile turns into a frown.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up!”

Minho rubs at his eyes and picks up the mail. 

“Had a late one last night?”

Minho isn’t even sure how long he slept, let alone what day it is. He shakes his head and smiles back at Changbin, who's shuffling around in the freshly fallen snow.

“I gotta get on with it”, he moves to walk back to the mail truck, “Delivering your mail is my favorite part of the day!”

It seems as if his smile lights up his entire face as he disappears behind the mail truck to get in on the driver’s side, with a last little wave at Minho and then he’s gone.

Minho is left on his doorstep with frozen toes and the mail in his hands and gets a sinking feeling in his stomach.

**_Minho:_ ** _ hes back _

**_Felix:_ ** _ what happened to minhos punctuation omggg _

**_Jisung:_ ** _ who??? _

**_Minho:_ ** _ he said his fav part of the day is bringing my mail what do i do now??!!?! _

**_Felix:_ ** _ ;))) _

**_Jisung:_ ** _ ;))))) _

**_Minho:_ ** _ GUYS seriously _

**_Minho:_ ** _ he said it as he left but he woke me up so i didnt say anything and i think i have to text him what do i do ahhh _

**_Chan:_ ** _ this is the most emotion i’ve seen you have in like three months _

**_Felix:_ ** _ text him!!!!! _

**_Jisung:_ ** _ what felix said _

Minho lets his head fall back onto the couch he is currently lying on and stares up at the ceiling. He is a grown ass man, he should just text him. He can’t stay in his house forever. Maybe it’s time to drag himself out of his pit and get better. 

He feels a strange rush of excitement run through him and almost wants to punch the air in triumph before he remembers his panic attack at the grocery store.

Maybe he’ll just take it easy. Start off small.

**_Minho:_ ** _ You bringing my mail is my favorite part of the day too. _

Baby steps.

There’s no reply until the next day, when Minho wakes up and checks his phone. The group chat was in a heated debate over the perfect brand of fried chicken last night when he had gone to sleep and he is not surprised to see it had carried on through half the night.

He also has a message from Changbin and immediately sits up in bed, opening it with a smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

**_Changbin:_ ** _ It’s the weekend, yay! :D I’m off work today, would you like to get coffee? _

Minho’s heart sinks at the sentence and he groans loudly into the silence of his bedroom.

**_Minho:_ ** _ I’m sorry, I can’t. _

His heart races as he sends the message and as the app shows that Changbin starts typing, he quickly follows up his first message.

**_Minho:_ ** _ Not because I don’t want to, I just… can’t. Sorry. _

Changbin stops typing and for a minute or two, Minho just stares at his phone and curses himself. Great, now he fucked it up. Everything was going well, he had a friendly face greeting him every few days and now he messed it up.

He doesn’t get much time to think about the best way to punish himself for being a complete idiot because Changbin’s reply comes soon after he’s started banging his head against the wall above his bed’s headboard.

**_Changbin:_ ** _ No worries! Are you sick?  _

**_Changbin:_ ** _ Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean that in an offensive way or anything, just curious _

Minho frowns as he reads the messages. He’s not really ashamed of his anxiety, at least not anymore. He used to, when he was a teenager, but over time he just accepted it as part of his personality and made some adjustments to his daily life. He wouldn’t just blurt it out to a stranger, but Minho didn’t feel like it was something he needed to hide. He just had something he struggled with, it didn’t make him a monster.

**_Changbin:_ ** _ You don’t have to tell me of course! Sorry for being nosy :P _

Minho watches snowflakes softly saunter down from the overcast sky through his window for a while. He doesn’t really know much about Changbin, come to think of it. The basics, yes. Where he grew up, how many members his family has, but he doesn’t know if Changbin will see it as a big deal if he tells him about his condition. He doesn’t really strike Minho as the type to react badly, but you never know.

Even though it’s only barely close to noon, Minho trots down to the kitchen and pours himself a drink before settling down in the living room.

**_Minho:_ ** _ Nothing like that. I just get nervous around people. And outside.  _

Minho waits for a reply for a few minutes but nothing comes. At first he rationalizes it by thinking that Changbin probably wasn’t checking his phone since Minho didn’t reply for a while, but then the voice in his head keeps poking his thoughts and whispering to him that maybe, Minho scared him off.

He’s taking the last sip of his drink when his phone vibrates again.

**_Changbin:_ ** _ Ohhhh that’s good then! That you’re not sick I mean _

**_Changbin:_ ** _ But kinda sucks that you don’t go outside :(  _

**_Changbin:_ ** _ Do you miss going places? _

Minho’s heart starts to flutter again, but the question makes him pause. Does he miss it? He’s never really thought about it. From the time he got out of high school and went to college, he just laid out his life in a way that prevented him from most social interactions. Sure there were some college parties throughout his years, but he never stayed long. He went to the cinema during the day, when nobody else went. 

For a fleeting moment, he imagines himself in the cinema, the seats around him filled, Changbin sitting next to him, and he isn’t sure whether his heart is racing because of the anxiety or because of Changbin.

**_Minho:_ ** _ Maybe a little. _

As it turns out, the happy go lucky Changbin has his dark moments too. Of course, everyone does, Minho thinks. But it’s strange to see the guy he’s only seen smiling so far in a bad mood.

Because the next day, Changbin complains to him about his landlord and Minho gets the feeling that his landlord is not really the cause for his bad mood, more just another thing added on top.

Minho pokes and prods for a little while, until Changbin tells him that it’s his cousin’s death’s anniversary today and he is feeling a bit down.

Changbin tells him that they grew up together and always got along really well, but that they got into a car crash during their senior year in high school and Changbin was the only one who survived.

The whole story makes Minho’s heart drop and he can’t get the picture of Changbin, broken and bruised in a hospital bed out of his head for the rest of the day.

**_Changbin:_ ** _ You know, that’s why I try to be happy now.  _

**_Changbin:_ ** _ Make the best out of the time you have :) _

Minho thinks it’s a nice sentiment and thinks about it even on his way to bed. Making the best out of the time you have - he’s not really doing that, is he? Holed up in his house all the time. His friends understand to a degree and though they are sad he rarely visits them, they don’t force him to come. The last time Minho visited his family was half a year ago and he usually doesn’t see them more than maybe twice, the travelling just being too much of a risk in Minho’s eyes.

When he falls asleep, he feels that old familiar loneliness creep under the blanket with him.

Changbin apparently has a plan. A plan that his friends are extremely excited about and that gives Minho heart palpitations. He had texted him two days ago that it was his goal to make Minho experience life to its fullest, out in the open, where there’s people around.

**_Chan:_ ** _ personally i think its a good idea _

**_Jisung:_ ** _ should we send him a gift basket?? _

**_Felix:_ ** _ should we come visit u and hot mailman changbin, minho? :D _

Every single day now, with or without mail, Changbin stands in the freezing cold in Minho’s driveway and just talks with him, or mostly at him. He stands there, wrapped in a scarf that covers half his face when he tells Minho about his first pet and how he really wanted to name his hamster Cheeseburger but his older sister wouldn’t let him.

He’s in his mail uniform when he leans against the mailbox and tells him that his best friend Hyunjin was working as a model in Milan and wouldn’t come visit him for the holidays.

He builds a little snowman in Minho’s yard while he tells him about his favorite Christmas and about how his aunt got drunk off his grandma’s egg nog and threw up in his mom’s family heirloom vase.

Every day, Changbin stays for a little bit longer, just a minute or so, always moving just the slightest bit closer into Minho’s direction.

After talking with him, Changbin always leaves him with a friendly goodbye and a promise to text him later and Minho’s heart feels a little weaker with each passing day.

“Okay, all booked. So we’ll be there on December 25th around eleven in the morning, is that alright?” There is some rustling on Chan’s end before his voice comes through clearly again. “I’m sending you guys the boarding passes to print out.”

For once, Minho is actually on the phone with his friends so they can coordinate their Christmas plans, which is only just shy of two weeks away.

“Why on earth are you flying on the 25th anyway? You could have just come a day earlier.”, Minho asks.

There’s a bit of arguing going on among his friends as they point fingers as to who decided on that date and eventually they explain to Minho that the flights are cheapest on the 25th because no one wants to fly on Christmas Day.

He rolls his eyes as he puts another log in his fireplace and settles down on the couch, the tv running on mute in the background.

“Do we have any news on mailman Changbin?” Minho can practically see Felix’s grinning face in front of him.

“Not really. Like I told you, he just comes by every day and talks with me.”

Jisung sighs loudly at that. “Oh to have a Lifetime movie winter romance with a cute mailman…”

“You don’t even know what he looks like.”

Jisung snorts. “Yeah but my mailman is an old lady that used to be a military sergeant and yells at me every time I don’t collect my mail from the mailbox for two days in a row.”

Chan keeps the topic firmly on Changbin, completely ignoring Jisung’s mailwoman woes. “Send us a picture of him! We have to know what he looks like.”

Felix agrees with him. “That’s true, I’ve just been picturing Andy Samberg ever since you started talking about him.”

“Andy Samberg isn’t even Asian.”

Changbin still stops by every day and Minho eventually gets a few words in edgewise, telling him about his friends and that it’s getting colder and colder these days, to which Changbin responds that he should put on warmer clothes if he’s just going to chat in the doorway with him.

It’s about eight days away from Christmas, when Minho opens the door to find Changbin standing a foot away from his doormat, smiling from ear to ear.

He hands Minho his mail and blurts out, without any kind of greeting, “So I was thinking, how would you like to take a walk with me tomorrow?”

Minho eyes him warily as he takes the mail from Changbin’s hands.

“I’m off work since it’s Saturday and don’t worry, we can just walk down the street here for a bit, if you want.”

He clenches his fists a few times before shoving them in the pockets of his puffy mail uniform jacket. There’s a slight hint of a blush on his cheeks and Minho wonders for a moment if he’s nervous or if his face is just beginning to freeze from hauling christmas packages to suburban houses in the cold all morning.

Minho finds himself nodding before he even realizes it and Changbin bounces off with a little jump, smiling back at him but ducking his head. “I’ll pick you up tomorrow then!”

As the mail truck drives off, Minho is still shell shocked and closes his door behind him. He forgets all about the tea he made a few minutes earlier until he wants to make another one an hour later, his mind still racing.

**_Minho:_ ** _ What if I freak out again? _

**_Jisung:_ ** _ ok but what if u dont??? _

**_Felix:_ ** _ hes right (for once) - its prolly gonna be fine! _

**_Chan:_ ** _ don’t worry so much about it, you’re just walking down the street right _

**_Jisung:_ ** _ are we sure hes not a serial killer tho we still havnt seen a pic _

**_Felix:_ ** _ tru :// _

**_Jisung:_ ** _ omg what if hes goin for a walk with the creepy old guy from the handmaiden _

Minho gets progressively more nervous as the day goes on and finds it hard to fall asleep that night.

The next morning, Minho wakes up way too early, turns his entire wardrobe upside down and has a minor breakdown while eating cereal, all before ten in the morning.

As he gulps down the last of his coffee, the doorbell rings and the sudden onset of panic makes his heart race. He’s not ready for this. He doesn’t know whether it’s the going outside or the going outside with Changbin, but he’s not ready.

Minho has half a mind to just pretend like he’s not home but that would be stupid since he told Changbin he never leaves the house. Curse his big mouth - or texts.

The doorbell rings again and Minho wipes his sweaty hands furiously on his jeans before opening the front door.

“Good morning!” Changbin looks cute, all bundled up in a nice black coat, scarf hiding his chin, hat on his head. Minho swears that maybe this time it really is Changbin blushing and not just the cold that tints his face pink. “Did you have a cappuccino?”

Minho looks confused for a moment. How on earth did he know?

Changbin lets out a chuckle and points at his own lips, which Minho’s eyes get drawn to. He’s still staring at them when Changbin speaks again.

“You have a foam mustache.”

Minho’s eyes snap up again to look at Changbin’s eyes, which are firmly fixed on the doorframe. He quickly wipes his mouth and clears his throat. “Sorry, yeah. Good morning to you too.”

Changbin looks back at him and gestures towards the street behind him. “Lighten up! You good to go? Wear something warm, it’s freezing!”

Minho just nods dumbly and puts on his own coat while his heart is jackhammering through his chest and his throat has somehow closed up.

When he locks the door behind him, a familiar tension creeps up his back. This is the first time since the store that he’s fully leaving the house.

Changbin is already halfway down the driveway and waiting for him. “I checked the street while I came here, there’s no one running around at the moment.”

Maybe it’s the fact that Changbin took time to make sure Minho was in comfortable surroundings, maybe it’s his body trying to compensate for the cold, but there’s a warmth spreading in Minho’s chest that makes his lips turn up into a smile.

They walk next to each other for a minute, leaving Minho’s driveway, past his neighbor’s houses on the sidewalk, and Minho feels the rush of accomplishment. He’s outside, he’s walking, with someone who’s essentially a stranger and he feels fine. In fact, it’s kind of strange how comfortable he feels, just stumbling through the snow with Changbin.

Changbin keeps up a constant stream of conversation, telling Minho about the weirdest deliveries he’s had that week and asking about Minho’s writing progress. It’s surprisingly nice.

After a while, it starts to snow again and Changbin smiles warmly at Minho. “It’s nice. Taking a walk with you.”

Before Minho can reply, he hears them. He takes his eyes off of Changbin and stares in front of them, where a group of high school students is walking towards them accompanied by yelling and high pitched giggling.

Changbin must have sensed that something was wrong and stops Minho with a hand on his arm. “Don’t worry, I got this. Just hold on for a moment.”

The kids reach them and Minho feels his entire body freeze up. There’s too many people around them. He needs to get out of here, now.

The sudden jolt of Changbin slipping his hand into Minho’s goes through him like an electric shock. His head slowly turns to look at the shorter guy, who’s talking with the teenagers at the moment.

“-it’s for a winter project so we would like you to fill out some questions!”, one of the girls in front of them finishes, pointing at a clipboard she’s holding.

Changbin gently squeezes Minho’s hand and Minho’s body relaxes just the slightest bit, though he still finds it hard to breathe.

“I’d be happy to fill that out for you, guys! Can you maybe wait here for just ten minutes? I know it’s cold but I promise I’ll be right back and answer your questions.” The smile he gives the, mostly bored and freezing, teenagers is warm and patient and Changbin is stroking a comforting thumb across the back of Minho’s hand. Minho almost feels himself melting into the snow.

The teenagers complain for a moment that it’s cold and Changbin winks at them. “How about I give five different answers and you can fill out five of these questionnaires so you don’t have to be outside in the cold for that long?”

That shuts them up and they promise to wait here until he comes back. Minho feels a gentle tug as Changbin pulls him in the other direction, back towards his house. They walk in silence for a minute before Changbin speaks up.

“Ahhh, I’m so sorry that our walk got interrupted like this. Are you okay?”

He’s still holding Minho’s hand. With every step they take towards Minho’s house, he feels a bit lighter, the anxiety slowly turning from a violent boil inside him back into a low simmer beneath the surface.

“I’m okay.” He doesn’t know where his sudden courage is coming from, but he lightly squeezes Changbin’s hand anyway. “Thank you.”

As Changbin drops him off in front of his door, he hesitates for a moment. What is he supposed to say now?

Luckily, nothing, because Changbin speaks up first. “It was nice today, thank you for taking a walk with me.” 

Now Minho realizes that Changbin actually looks shy. He seems nervous and lets go of Minho’s hand. For a second, Minho’s hand almost reaches out to hold it again before he can shove it into his coat pocket.

“I’m proud of you.” The words hit Minho like a freight train out of nowhere and Changbin leans up to place a soft kiss on Minho’s cheek, so quickly that it seems like maybe it didn’t even really happen.

He doesn’t make eye contact with Minho after and quickly rushes down the driveway, shouting out a goodbye, on his way to fill out winter surveys.

**_Felix:_ ** _ why is he not replying did he DIE????? D: _

**_Jisung:_ ** _ maybe they took a walk to mailman-sama’s house ;)) _

**_Chan:_ ** _ you’re a weeb _

**_Jisung:_ ** _ says u -_- _

**_Chan:_ ** _ why would he text while walking? it’s dangerous. _

**_Minho:_ ** _ Still alive. I think. _

Minho is finally situated on his couch, hot chocolate on his coffee table, his brain foggy from the amount of emotions it had to go through in the past hour.

**_Felix:_ ** _ tell us everything!!!! _

He would love to, but he’s not even sure where to start.

**_Minho:_ ** _ It was okay, I guess? We walked and then a group of kids came up to us _

**_Minho:_ ** _ And I kinda panicked and then he held my hand _

**_Felix:_ ** _!!!!!! _

**_Minho:_ ** _ and he walked me back home _

**_Jisung:_ ** _ what kids what _

**_Minho:_ ** _ and he kissed me on the cheek _

**_Felix:_ ** _ AHHHHHHH _

**_Jisung:_ ** _ wHAT _

**_Chan:_ ** _ that’s…. how did all of this happen in like 30 mins? _

For the first time, Minho looks at the clock and sees that it’s been not even an hour since Changbin had picked him up earlier. Somehow, the whole walk had felt much longer to him.

His friends continue spamming the group chat at a speed that Minho’s eyes can’t follow as he gets another notification.

**_Changbin:_ ** _ Thanks for the nice walk - again! :)  _

**_Changbin:_ ** _ Can we do that again sometime, maybe? _

They don’t actually get time to go on a walk again. Because Christmas is approaching quickly, Changbin has to work a lot more than he did before and barely gets time to chat with Minho apart from handing him his mail and wishing him a nice day.

Minho feels bad for him when he sits in front of his fireplace, thinking of Changbin rushing about in the freezing cold outside, carrying packages as big as himself. He can tell that Changbin is exhausted after work and usually falls asleep mid text conversation, which he always apologizes profusely for in the morning.

As messages from his friends getting ready to leave for the airport in the morning come pouring in, Minho halfheartedly puts up some Christmas decorations. He knows full well that Felix and Jisung will want to hang most of them up themselves tomorrow anyway, so he doesn’t really bother with it.

When he goes to sleep that night, Changbin’s last message is him wishing Minho “ _ Merry Christmaaaaaaaaaaaaaa _ ” and Minho falls asleep with a smile on his face, picturing a sleeping Changbin, face pressed against the screen of his phone.

Minho is halfway through a buttered toast, when his friends ring his doorbell as if they’re trying to get him out of a collapsing house.

He lets them in and gets almost crushed in bear hugs by all of them and for a while, they shuffle their suitcases around and laugh together before settling down in the living room, Jisung and Felix already with their faces buried in the decorations boxes.

Minho makes some punch for all of them and Chan is currently trying to find the perfect Christmas playlist to set the mood.

“Does this look alright to you?” Jisung is balancing on his toes, trying to push a star on the top of Minho’s crooked Christmas tree. Changbin was nice enough to drop it off for him yesterday with the excuse that he had felt bad about the ugly trees not getting bought and Minho was just as much grateful for the last minute tree as he was blushing at Changbin showing affection even to crooked trees.

“I guess that’s about as good as it gets.” Minho shrugs and refills Chan’s punch. “So anyway, what happened on your flight, Felix? You met a celebrity?”

Chan and Jisung let out a laugh, already having heard the story in the cab over to Minho’s.

Minho makes a face at them. “Was it an actual celebrity or did you meet the famous Santa from the local Walmart again?”

Felix huffs and takes a sip from his punch while he’s trying to detangle the christmas lights with his free hand. “Very funny. No, for real! You know that extra from Community? Episode eight, season two?”

Minho throws a pillow at him as Chan turns up the volume of Have Yourself A Merry Christmas to drown out Felix’s screaming.

Being with his friends again after a long time makes Minho realize how lonely he was in his house. Now, with voices filling the usually empty rooms, he feels warm and comfortable, at peace.

He leans back on the couch, the fireplace warming his feet and just watches Jisung and Felix enthusiastically singing Christmas songs while Chan gets up to dance. A smile spreads across Minho’s face and thinks that maybe, he is getting better. Maybe realizing how lonely he was is the push he needs to deal with his anxiety instead of morphing his life around it. Maybe.

As the day goes on and the daylight outside turns into a snowy, dark winter evening, Jisung and Chan are engrossed in a drunken rendition of Last Christmas while Felix and Minho laugh at them from the couch. All four of them wearing matching ugly Christmas courtesy of Jisung, a plate of Felix’s homemade Christmas cookies on the coffee table, with Chan having gifted each of them a leather bracelet with their initials on them. Minho had ordered a gift box filled with different chocolates, snacks and little personalized trinkets, which Jisung had enthusiastically shoved into his cheeks as soon as he had unpacked them, leaving only the trinkets in the box.

They are just about to break out a board game that Minho had found stashed under his entertainment system when the doorbell rings.

All four of them exchange a confused look and Jisung enthusiastically runs for the door. “I’ll get it!”

When Jisung opens the door, a pair of eyes glance at him through dark bangs, snowflakes piled on top. Jisung sees the puffy mailman jacket, but doesn’t make the connection.

“Mail on christmas? Do you guys ever get a day off? Isn’t there like a union or something? You guys should really get a day off…”, he trails off towards the end of his sentence.

Changbin shines a crooked smile at him. “Sorry to disturb you. Oh and Merry Christmas!” He glances around Jisung. “Is Minho here by any chance?”

Jisung doesn’t leave the doorway, just turns his head and yells towards the living room. “Minho! Mail!”

Minho is on his feet and at the door so fast, he almost slips on the wooden floors. He pushes Jisung away and back towards the living room before smiling at Changbin, standing outside his door. His face is illuminated by the warm glow of the light from inside the house, the snow falling behind him, tip of his nose red yet again.

“Hi.”, Minho breathes out.

Changbin just stares at him with a smile. “Hi.”

They stand there for a moment, the only sound disturbing them being Minho’s friends yelling about which color they want to be for the board game.

“I just wanted to give you this.” Changbin hands Minho a simple envelope, Minho’s name on it in his familiar handwriting. “And wish you a Merry Christmas.”

Minho’s heart is doing jumping jacks in his chest and he’s a bit tipsy, making him feel like he’s watching a movie play out in front of him, rather than this actually happening right now.

Changbin nods, more to himself than Minho, and flashes him another smile before turning around and slowly making his way down Minho’s driveway.

Minho closes the door, unable to speak. He just stands in the hallway, turning the envelope in his hands, when his friends poke their heads out of the living room.

“Was that him?” Jisung’s eyes are wide and he’s whispering in a way that’s louder than him actually speaking normally.

Minho nods. Within a second, all three of his friends drape his coat over him and shove him towards his shoes.

“Go after him!” Felix wraps a scarf around Minho’s neck so tightly he almost strangles him.

“Just ask him to join us!” Chan pushes a pair of shoes towards Minho that Minho is pretty sure are not his.

“Hurry!”

They shove him out the door before he can even react and the door closes behind him. As Minho looks around the empty street, he can make out a shadow walking down the sidewalk, for a moment lit up under a streetlight.

His feet move on their own and he realizes that he was running when he comes to stop next to Changbin, panting a bit. Changbin looks at him with a surprised face, a corner of his lips turned up into a smile.

“What are you doing here? Aren’t you celebrating?”

Minho has to chuckle for some reason, he guesses probably nervousness. ““Why are you not with your family? It’s Christmas.”

Changbin laughs. “Went there right after work but I left. Everyone has a food coma anyway and…” He pauses for a moment, fixing his gaze to his feet in the snow. “This was important to me. So I rushed out. Hence the mail uniform.”

The weight of Changbin’s words settles heavily in Minho’s stomach and his heart feels like it’s about to burst. He reaches out a hand to lift Changbin’s face and make him look at Minho.

“Would you like to join us?”

As it turns out, Changbin is extremely unlucky when it comes to board games. This is absolutely delightful to Minho’s friends. They get on like a house on fire with him and before Minho even realizes it, they are all playing cards, Minho leaning onto Changbin’s side on the couch, sharing cards and body warmth.

It’s getting late and the frequency at which Jisung lets out yawn after yawn increases by the minute. Eventually, Chan and Felix decide to call it a night and drag Jisung off to the other guest rooms with them, giving Changbin warm goodbyes and making plans to have a rematch on the one round of games that Changbin actually won.

Minho’s own eyes were dangerously close to shutting as Changbin shakes him gently.

“I should get going and you should go to bed. Sleeping on a couch is not good for your back, I speak from experience.” Minho gazes at him sleepily. Changbin’s hair is a bit tousled from where Jisung put him in a headlock earlier to prevent him from playing his last hand of cards and his face looks relaxed, happy.

The coziness of it all, Changbin’s warm body next to him, the lazy tipsiness in him, makes Minho brave. “You can stay here, if you want.”

Changbin’s eyebrows raise for a moment and the shy smile is back on his face. “I would love that. But I’m gonna have to take you up on the offer another time.”

Minho can’t help but show his disappointment on his face.

Changbin gently pushes a strand of Minho’s hair from his forehead. “If I don’t go back to my family at some point, they might file a missing persons report.”

Of course. Minho had kept him long enough, and that on Christmas as well.

Changbin hesitates after stepping out the front door. He turns back to Minho, his cheeks flushed.

“Thank you for the great evening. This might be my new favorite Christmas.”

Now or never.

Minho moves closer to him, their faces just inches apart, and his voice comes out like a whisper. “Be careful on the way home.”

He closes the distance between them and presses his lips against Changbin’s. He’s about to pull away, when Changbin pulls him closer, wrapping his arms around Minho’s body, keeping him there to prolong their kiss for as long as possible.

When they finally pull away from each other, they wear matching smiles and Changbin wishes Minho a merry christmas for the last time as he walks down the driveway and into the wintery night.

Minho watches him for another moment and as his silhouette disappears into the shadows, he thinks that one day, he would love to walk with him, no matter where they go.

**Author's Note:**

> as always, let me know ur thots pls
> 
> i hope you're all having a fresh day, folks! :)


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